Screenwriting – 12 Rules to Get Your Screenplay Rejected Right Away
Posted: Monday, June 12, 2006
by Ugur Akinci
Copywriting for Your Success
There is an art to getting your screenplays rejected right away.
Do the following if you'd like to see your months and perhaps years worth of efforts go to the trash bin within 15 seconds or less.
1) Write a “feature-length" screenplay that is 30 pages long.
2) Write a “feature-length" screenplay that is 300 pages long.
4) Paste photos generously to illustrate your scenes. Your smiling photo with your favorite pet next to you and typing away on your laptop would really enhance the aesthetic value of the front cover.
5) Provide frequent detailed camera and directorial instruction like “WIDE-ANGLE SHOT, the actors should imagine they are at a FUNERAL," etc.
6) Use crazy fonts on the cover and inside the script in order to grab the attention of the studio Reader. Never use Courier. Don't forget to use LARGE size fonts when a character SCREAMS!
7) Include sidebar notes to help the studio reader like “Dear Reader, please pay attention to the the plot reversal in this scene!"
8) Use character names that all start with the same letter and are very similar to one another like Jane, Joe, Jim, Jimmy, Jess, Jessie, Jesse, Jo, Jon, Jil, and Jilly.
9) Make sure nothing is happening within the first 5 pages. For example, you can describe the gorgeous scenery as your protagonist takes a relaxed train ride from New York to Boston. People are tired of watching dramatic conflict, action and suspense, aren't they?
10) Do not use the universally-accepted paragraph style formatting for screenplays. Be original. Make all text RIGHT adjusted. Print some of the pages SIDEWAYS to get noticed fast.
11) There are only very few themes under the sun and it's smart to imitate success. Take CASABLANCA. An old movie. Who remembers it anyways? Change the names to Bob and Sharita. Change the city to Austin, Texas, And bingo! You've got yourself a 100% unacceptable script.
12) “Dramatic Structure" is for the pigeons. Create a Protagonist with no desire for anything in the world. After all, isn't he a Buddhist Monk?
BONUS TIP: Print your photo on the header of every page.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)This is hilarious. Kudos.
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